Travails of a happily married husband

Travails of a happily married husband

Travails of a happily married husband

Death and taxes are necessary evils and we are all very well aware of this. But if there is a bigger evil that exists, it is ‘Shopping’ which seems to be every woman’s favourite pastime. To put it vary categorically, I am not just averse to, but detest even the sound of the word called Shopping .

After having been married for over two decades now, I am more than convinced that Men are from Mars and Women are actually from Venus and never the twain shall meet-at least on their views on Shopping.

Despite my arduous struggle for the last so many years and that of the entire male species, we somehow fail in our quest to differentiate between the plethora of fabrics – cotton, silk, raw silk, synthetic silk, georgette, chiffon, khadi and velvet amongst many others. It is easier to comprehend Newton’s theory of relativity on even Heisenberg’s uncertainty Principle rather than trying to figure out the subtle difference between shades of red which range from baby pink and powder pink to magenta and vivacious red graduating even further to Scarlett red. The varied shades of blue though look so beautiful on the sun kissed seas but seem to put my cognitive senses into a flurry of confusion when I realize that they can exist in varied hues – navy blue, sky blue amongst a dozen others. Imagine my plight when my dear wife asks me to pick up a particular colour and not just that but a particular shade of sap green for her. I only wonder why my colour discriminating faculties couldn’t have been designed like hers.

I recall reading an article that clearly stated that men get bored after 26 minutes of shopping whereas for a woman the first 26 minutes are only a warm up session which can extend up to 260 or even 2600 minutes. The hapless husbands are always clueless as to how this time is to be utilized. So while the better halves are busy shopping, the latter halves are either admiring some beautiful faces or managing the credit and debit cards in their wallets. Sufficient cash should be maintained at all times for her convenience and the art of balancing and juggling bags should be deftly handled.

It is only after marriage that I was made aware of the different kinds of outfits which are required for varied reasons and seasons – such as those required in summers, light winters heavy winters, foggy winters and even misty winters. Amongst others are dresses to be worn on the rainy days, on holi season, Diwali season, dark days, sunny days, formal occasions, slushy days and the list is endless. Prior to marriage, I knew of only summers and winters but my knowledge of geography/climate increased substantially as years passed by.

Though I was happy to join the government but it was only after marriage that I realized that the sarkari accommodation lacked even the basic amenities called the powder room which my wife often cribs about, not that I knew about it myself till I got married to her.

Having gone through the ordeal for the last couple of years, certain prerequisites are essential before tying the nuptial knot. These should serve like the Ten Commandments.

The man should be mentally prepared that only a few selected spaces will be available to him in his own house, the rest belongs to the wife. Apart from gifting his entire wallet to his wife, the man should have the capacity to handle 10-12 bags at any given point of time. In addition being able to differentiate between colours and patiently following the wife to all her favourite stores – cosmetics, jewellery, clothing, knick-knacks, shoes and so on, would be an added qualification. The husband should have the power to deliver compliments when she is trying out new clothes (even if that means lying). Fundamental knowledge of cosmetics and all equipments required for ‘denting and painting’ like creams, lipsticks and foundations are an absolute must. Further, comparison of your wife with another colleague’s wife is a strict taboo and should be refrained from.

Govt. of India should launch a special programme in this regard which would help us gain some understanding of the fairer sex and empowering us – the hapless male species. Yoga and meditation could also be probably included in the curriculum which would make shopping a peaceful and successful experience for both the yin and the yang.

I was impressed with the Canadians for evolving one such strategy. During a visit to Canada there were special chairs marked for men where they could enjoy their drinks while their wives were shopping. I am happy to note that most of the malls have now woken up to this fact where men can eat, drink and be merry and also exchange their woes while the better halves are busy shopping.

Despite all this possessing the ability to hear every morning the same proverbial statements – “I don’t have anything to wear “or” what should I wear for the dinner tonight”. I never have the time to shop “and” we never go shopping. I think all husbands have learnt to live with this and that is why we are all happily married men.


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